So your Husband wants a divorce…
You probably feel completely overwhelmed and scared about the possible impact it could have on your family and your life.
I know how incredibly painful it is for you right now.
I’ve gone through several relationship challenges in the past as well and I’ve seen the pain my clients have gone through. No amount of words can describe the hurting inside.
But here’s what you need to know:
You are not alone.
Can You Still Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Wants a Divorce?
I want you to know that there’s hope.
Over the last two weeks, I’ve had three clients who messaged me and informed me that their husbands have actually come back after wanting a divorce and separating from them.
In two of those instances, the primary reason why they left is because of other women. And probably, there’s nothing more painful than that.
The 3 Important Steps to Save Your Marriage When Your Husband Wants a Divorce
Everyone may have different responses when it comes to divorce. Some may initially say, “What if he’s cheated on me? To hell with him. He’s out!”
Other’s may feel that even though he has done some silly things, they still love him and want to truly make it work.
So, If you really want to save your marriage, here are the three important steps that you need to take to maximize your chances of saving your marriage – and also heal yourself in the process.
Believe in transformation.
The first step that you need to make if you want to save your marriage on the brink of divorce is the belief that it is possible to make those changes.
In my line of work, during consultation calls, I’ve seen people who were very motivated at the beginning and ready to jump into things; but then, at the last minute, they cancel the call.
This is very normal.
Throughout the course of the day, they may have been in a negative emotional state and then later found more information about the affair. Or maybe they have just decided that they may not have the capacity to try anymore as the other party has already given up.
But you know what’s actually happening here?
When people are in a negative state, they tend to fluctuate a lot. They feel that great despair, that there’s no more hope. This leaves you in a place where you constantly wobble because you’re no longer certain whether you should go down the path of wanting to save your marriage or simply walk away from it.
When you are in a highly emotional state, it’s natural to make pretty poor decisions – be it in the form of communicating with your husband or the way you treat yourself or moving forward and making progress on your journey. You are in a moment where it’s totally difficult to manage circumstances.
Hence, it’s difficult as well to maintain a sense of clarity because you don’t have any sense of belief.
Believe that there’s still hope
You need to have a level of belief – even if it’s just one tiny mustard seed.
If you think about it, all the great sportsmen and entrepreneurs have an insane amount of belief in themselves that even when the odds were stacked against them, even if no one believed it was possible, they still do it.
Get to a level of belief that transformation is really possible.
Just in case the worst scenario comes – that your marriage won’t work – at least you end up growing and you heal from it. You’re not going to be bitter or angry. You’re going to recognise that this was all part of a bigger plan to help you elevate the kind of person that you are.
And in the long run, you may end up in a marriage or relationship that’s actually going to be for your highest good – and to me, this is one of the greatest gifts you can possibly give to yourself.
Have a strong enough ‘why’
The second step to saving your marriage when it is on the brink of divorce is to have a strong enough reason to work on the marriage.
Now it may seem obvious that if your marriage is on the rocks that would want to save it…
But seriously, Why do you want to save it?
What’s the deeper reason?
Because if you don’t have a strong reason, you will not put the work in. Working on a marriage is not easy. You will fluctuate emotionally. There will be times when you will really feel hopeless. You will be emotionally drained from time to time and there’s nothing wrong with that. That’s a very normal part of the process.
But just like any area of your life, if you want to achieve something, you really need to have a strong reason to do so. Is your family the most important part of your life? Do you genuinely love your husband? Do you believe that he is the man for you? Is it your kids? Is it your personal growth? Your love for him?
Whatever it is, you need to have a strong reason to work on it. Without a strong reason to do it, you will not put in the work that you need to do. You won’t have the motivating force. The negative feelings will simply overpower and no changes will take place.
Focus on your internal healing.
The final step to saving your marriage when your husband wants a divorce is to focus on your healing.
Simply put, it is important to open your heart.
When someone has gone off and cheated, the immediate reaction usually goes: “How dare they? How could they do such a thing?”
Just to be clear, yes, they shouldn’t have done that. But be honest with yourself, how has the marriage unfolded over the years? Has it been the same way since the beginning or were there changes that happened along the way?
Did the kids get most of the attention?
Did work get in the way?
Often there are so many factors that can play a part in the decline of a marriage and hence it’s really important to open the heart in order to empathize with both yourself and your husband’s experiences of things.
As human beings, we are emotional creatures. Sadly, we most often look at others from a logical point of view and it prevents true healing from occurring.
He might get everything you think he needs. The possibility is that he may have the freedom. He may have moments of lovely intimacy with you. You’ve both got beautiful children and a great house. But emotionally, are certain needs met?
So, at this third step of saving your marriage, find this as an opportunity for your healing.
Ask yourself how you can open your heart. How can you show more empathy? How can you show more compassion?
Can these Steps Really Save My Marriage When My Husband Wants a Divorce?
Once you apply these to your marriage, you will start to see your husband as a human being with flaws – just like we all do – rather than a cold and calculated kind of machine that went out and did horrible things.
It may be hard to hear but you have to avoid stepping into the victim mentality. A lot of people fall into this category.
But do know that healing from within is such an important part – and not just simply about opening the heart. This also requires recognising that you are enough just as you are. You are worthy of love. You are an amazing human being.
And as a person, there are also other areas that you can improve. This could be in terms of communication and setting boundaries. Know that there are huge opportunities for growth in the relationship.
Sometimes, it’s unfortunate that you have to go through some pretty heavy stuff like divorce to grow. But this, I believe, is part of our mission to become the best version of ourselves here on earth. In turn, when you become the best you that you can me, then you create the best marriage that you can!
Saving your marriage: You don’t have to do it alone
Finding clarity, hope, and reason to keep going can be really confusing and challenging.
That’s why I’d love to be of service to you through my Authentic Relationship System Training Program which shows you step by step what you need to do in order to save your marriage – especially when your husband has stated he wants a divorce.
If you are interested in learning more and seeing if it’s a good fit, then feel free to BOOK A CALL at your most convenient time and we can hop on a call at some point just so i can learn more about your situation to see if I can help you on your path.
Let’s start your journey towards healing, growth, and transformation.
I can’t wait to be of service to you.
P.s Please check out my YT channel as well for great videos on how to save your marriage and Heal Yourself!