You’re feeling hurt…
There seems to always been conflict in your relationship…
Yet, it’s simple…you just want to be loved.
Every time you end up trying to help or do something nice, it just get’s thrown in your face.
You always get blamed and after being around it enough, you find that all of your positivity and happiness is declining as each day goes on…
Something needs to change but you’re not sure how…
It’s Not Uncommon
Let me tell you, what you are going through and feeling is extremely common but I am here to tell you that there is a way to get past your struggles and it all comes down to you learning how to set healthy boundaries in your relationship.
The key to any loving relationship is ensuring that both parties retain their sense of independence yet mutually working together to create an incredible “3rd World” which only the two of you will appreciate and understand.
So how do you do that?
The Real Problem at Hand…
Creating healthy boundaries can often appear to be a really difficult thing to do for some people. Why?
Often we can hold onto various wounds that we’ve developed from our childhood that has resulted in us having an over-dependency on others as our source of happiness.
This is where the real problem lies…
“If your motivation in a relationship is to give love and be an expression of love, then you are moving forward with the right intention”
Hence, we set weak boundaries that result in our confidence levels and self worth taking a nose dive. However, it doesn’t have to be that way.
I know for a lot of people they are really unsure as to how to create healthy boundaries in their relationship.
With this in mind, I have put together 4 quick steps that you can begin to action in order to create some transformations and really help to regain your sense of self worth.
Here we go:
1) Stop trying to be filled up by the other person
We all have a need to be loved at the deepest level. We all crave it and so many every day activities are based around it. All the way from trying to post on FB to get as many likes as possible to desperately clinging onto the partner who is treating you poorly. We are hardwired for the desire to be loved.
Despite this though, it’s how we go about getting love that’s where the problems arise.
If your motivation in a relationship is to give love and be an expression of love, then you are moving forward with the right intention.
However, if your feeling unloved and your hoping that a relationship will fill the void that is inside of you, then sadly, you will not find what you’re looking for.
As Tony Robbins states, the purpose of a relationship is to magnify human emotions.
So if we feel self hatred, guilt, emotional instability and so on, a relationship is simply going to magnify that.
As tempting as it is to think that when a man or woman comes into our lives, we will feel that level of love and happiness that we have been yearning for – it just doesn’t work like that.
The aim of the game is to truly fill yourself up with love, joy and happiness and then the relationship will be an extension of how you feel.
When you can create a relationship with these foundations, you will have a relationship that will continue to soar to new heights.
2) Assess your relationship based on action taken, rather than potential action
Ok, time for a little reality check.
One of the parts of my job that hurts me the most is when I see women all over the world continue to go into ‘bat’ for their partners, even when they continue to treat them poorly and disrespectfully.
These women are such beautiful souls and yet, because of their lack of self esteem and love within, there is a dangerous dynamic that is setup within the relationship.
That is…they justify the poor actions of their partner.
Remember, you need to assess a relationship for how well you’ve been treated for the majority of the time.
Not just for glimpses of love here and there, combined with verbal and physical abuse for the rest of the time.
It’s simply not acceptable and you – the magnificent soul that you are – simply don’t deserve to be treated like that.
A man who worships you and loves you for your pure essence is what you deserve…nothing less will be sufficient 🙂
3) Give for the right reasons
What is your motivation for giving and serving your partner?
Are you hoping that if you can just do a couple of nice things for them that they will be nice back? (read more here about how to give in a healthy manner)
Maybe cooking their favourite meal or buying them a gift of some sort – only to find out that their response was not quite what you had hoped for.
Well, this where making sure that your intent is pure. I know that you are loving person and that you care – however, when we give in anticipation or hope of something in return, then more often than not, it tends to fall flat on our face.
If you are going through the process of giving and serving your partner, you must – I repeat, must – do it with the pure intent of giving with expecting absolutely nothing in return.
Always remember, love is all about giving, not getting.
4) Happiness is your responsibility, not your partners
A common theme in this blog has been about ensuring that you empower yourself and part of that is recognising that there is only one person on this planet who is responsible for you happiness.
Yup, that’s right..
Of course, we love to be loved by other people (especially our intimate partners).
However, if we are placing the load entirely on the shoulders of our partner, then we are disempowering ourselves and operating under the illusion that it’s another persons responsibility to make us happy.
It’s up to you to create happiness from within.
When you do this, you have the ability to control and create the emotional state that you’re in. Not having to constantly be living in the hope and expectation of your partner instilling this happiness inside of you.
Life becomes so much more enjoyable as you recognise the source of true happiness.
Funnily enough, when you operate from this foundation, you will notice that the people around you also reflect the very energy that you are giving off.
- Fill yourself up with love first – don’t rely on your man to do it. You’re amazing!
- Let ‘real’ action, not ‘potential’ action dictate how the relationship is progressing
- Always give with the intent of giving. Not with the expectation or hope of getting something in return.
- Your happiness is your responsibility, not your partners. We can change how we feel in an instant!
Change Can Be Hard Sometimes…
Now I totally understand how difficult it can be to practice these principles and integrate them into yourself so that you can truly live it on a day to day basis but all you need to do is take baby steps.
Choose one of the steps above and practice it on day 1. Then try another step on day 2 and so on.
Just taking a small step is what ultimately leads to giant shifts long term. That I can promise you!
With that all said and done, sometimes it is nice to have someone provide you with structure and the specific tasks to create those healthy boundaries.
To help you get the commitment, love, trust and understanding from your man that you’ve been craving for so long.
If you would like to work with me 1:1 for free where I help to create a special Love for Life Blueprint outlining the exact actions that you need to take to progress your love life forward, then all you need to do is click here and you can apply for one of these sessions.
As my time is limited, I can’t take on everyone so I do have a short application process but if I decide we are the perfect fit to work together, then I would love the opportunity to serve you on your journey.