How to discover whether you’ve outgrown your partner and decide whether you need to move on
It was so incredible at the start
You were both so crazy about each other
Lots of love and laughter and it was such a joy to be able to spend these incredible moments together
However, slowly over time, things started to change.
The special conversations and romatic experiences started to wind down
The excitement and spontaneity went out the window
All the passion in the bedroom has turned into a mere routine with very little connection and intimacy
What exists now is a relationship that is going through the motions
He sits on the couch playing video games or on his phone
He’s not interesting in growing and lacks any real ambition
Any time you bring up any topic that you requires him to step up and contribute more, he gets defensive or shuts down
You’re wondering, how did it all change?
Where did the guy I fell in love with go?
You’re flying high in your career and he’s staying put.
You do the laundry. Cook dinner. Do the cleaning around the house…
Whilst he’s sitting on the couch or on FB
Nothing you do seems to work and things are getting worse. The relationship is going nowhere leading you to ask the following question:
Is it time to leave the relationship?
What you are feeling is extremely common and in all the time I have been working with couples from all over the world, I am here to tell you that there is a way to get past your struggles but it requires dirt level honesty.
The Real Problem At Hand
At the start of relationship we are prepared to do anything. It’s new. It’s fun and exciting. The hopeless romantic in you has come out and is projecting into the future something that you could have only dreamt of years ago. Now it all has the possibility of becoming a reality. Actually, it has become a reality.
However, like anything in life, the initial excitement of something new subsides unless we make a conscious effort to nurture and grow it.
This is exactly what has happened here. Unless both partners are prepared to grow the relationship, then it will begin to decline.
How do you solve this problem?
There are a couple of ways to look at this:
1) You’ve outgrown the relationship. You’re off to the stars and he’s sitting at home, probably wallowing in self-pity, but masking it as a carefree facade. The way it looks, you staying in the relationship is going to slowly going to continue to widen the gap between the two of you which eventually leads to resentment and repression – the signs of a dead relationship.
2) You make a choice to stick this out and play your part in healing some of his wounds. Find ways to make him feel significant, unique, special etc so that he creates some positive associations using your time together. If you can strike the right cords, then change can occur in him.
Choosing which path to take
The decision between (1) and (2) all boils down to how frustrated you are, how much love you have within you and how much love you have to give.
One thing is for certain – you need to take action because as long as this continues on, the relationship will continue to decline – something neither of you would want to have.
So how do you do this? Well it all comes down to the questions that you ask yourself
Questions to ask yourself
• How much more love do you have to give?
• How much more negativity are you prepared to tolerate in the relationship?
• What standards are you prepared to set for yourself?
• Can you see both of you making a committed effort to growing the relationship together?
• Can you find it in your heart to truly support and love him no matter what?
If you can answer these questions honestly, openly and from the heart, you will be able to make the right decision for your future.
- It’s absolutely possible to outgrow a relationship and contrary to popular belief, sometimes leaving a relationship or marriage is the best thing for both parties
- The real issue is the effort on both partners to make a commitment to growth. Either one of both of them rested on their laurels causing the relationship to decline
- It is possible to recreate the passion but it requires you to answer the following questions:
- How much more love do you have to give?
- How much more negativity are you prepared to tolerate in the relationship?
- What standards are you prepared to set for yourself?
- Can you see both of you making a committed effort to growing the relationship together?
- Can you find it in your heart to truly support and love him no matter what?