Now when I hear this question being asked, I’m often a touch sceptical. Not because they are making up stories or stating any lies of any sort. It’s just the way they are asking the question makes it sound like there is something outside of themselves that is magically attracting all these men that aren’t the right fit. In all my time as a Relationship Coach, there have always been 2 important factors that cause women to keep attracting the wrong guys. They are:
1) Because you keep choosing the wrong men
2) The little girl within you is doing the choosing
Now the reason I place these two in this order is quite simple.
Holding Yourself Accountable
Firstly, in order for us to change our fortunes, we need to hold ourselves accountable for our results. It’s very easy during the dating process to look at others as the ones who are inflicting all this pain on us but all this does is disempower ourselves and leaves us even more confused, hurt, angry and frustrated. When we take the approach of holding ourselves accountable and taking responsibility for the situation, we recognise on one level that we have created this experience yet at the same time, we know that we have the capacity to change it or create something completely different. Now just a quick word of warning here – I’m by no means stating that you should harbour blame or guilt on yourself. It’s all about recognising that this is your experience and if you can create it this way, you can create it another way as well.
Secondly, you’re attracting the wrong guys because the little girl inside of you is choosing the wrong men.
Beware the Little Girl
The little girl inside of you is always wondering whether she’s loveable. Whether she’s worth being loved. Whether she’s attractive enough. Whether people like her.
It’s almost like you’re the latest computer but you’re running an old version of the software. You know you’ve grown up, matured and aged yet, the little girl inside you (the old software) is running the show with a whole host of negative beliefs that were learnt in the early days of your life. Maybe you were bullied. Maybe you were physically or emotionally abused. Maybe there was a lack of love in your household. Whatever it is, that part of you will continue to wreak havoc unless you adopt a different approach to life.
To expand on this even more, as the little girl is always concerned about whether she is good enough, smart enough, worthy enough etc she is always looking for some level of external approval and hence, relationships are often sought out to heal these wounds. The little girl in you genuinely believes that if you just had the perfect man, then everything would be ok. That all the loneliness will just disappear. That you can finally be free and loved.
Unfortunately, though, as long as we hold onto this condition of ‘lack and limitation’ in our lives, we will simply only attract a man that mirrors these beliefs that we hold onto. This is the very reason why people who have experienced abuse in their childhood days continue to attract men that engage in behaviour that is very similar to that of what they experienced as a child or a teenager.
So How Do We Stop Attracting the Wrong Guys?
Now, this might seem like a frightening concept for some of you but I can assure you that it can all change.
The first part of the process is to recognise what is happening – and simply, all the experiences are coming to the surface to be addressed. To be owned and to be accepted. Once we truly accept and embrace that we are the ones that are drawing in these experiences into our life, then we drop resistance of it. Once we drop resistance, we open ourselves up for transformation.
The second part of the process is to truly embody and identify with the deepest part of yourself – your soul.
You soul is love. Your soul recognises that you are worthy. Your soul recognises that you are good enough – not when you achieve, do or have anything – just because you are alive. The truth is that if you are alive then you are good enough for god (or for the universe or whatever you choose to believe in) and hence you are worthy of love.
When you awaken your soul, you begin to realise the truth. The truth that life works inside out. Only when you operate from the internal truth that you are good enough, that you are worthy and amazing just as you are (no more and no less), you will attract that special someone into your life that mirrors the feelings and beliefs that you have within you. When that is your foundation, you will truly attract a relationship that is pure and whole – rather than a relationship that brings out all the pain and insecurities that you have within you.